It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
