i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
