Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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