lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
