sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
