On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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