we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
