My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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