i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
