my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
