it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
