I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize