ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
