she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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