Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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