I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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