just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
