Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize