i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
