wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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