Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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