I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
