So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
