I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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