Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
