Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
