and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
