Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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