we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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