Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
