I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
