I hate all girls vehemently.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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