I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize