I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
