ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
