Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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