i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
