Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
