A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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