After last night, I could never be a politician.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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