kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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