You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
