I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
