But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
