Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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