He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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