please come you make the beer taste better
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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