well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
