what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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