party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
