I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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