i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
