when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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