God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
