he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize