September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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