Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
