I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
