Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
