im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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