i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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