i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
