Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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