I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
