Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize