I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
