so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
