If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
