I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
