My room smells like vodka and shame
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize