did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
