Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
