Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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