forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
