just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
