idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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