I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are we still banned from the library?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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