Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
