my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
