you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
