Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
