These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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