Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
