he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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