Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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