Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
