first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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