Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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