Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
