how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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