What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
