sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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