Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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