I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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