bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
