well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
