Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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