I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
