sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
