...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
