cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
