i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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