reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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