One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
