WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
