Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
