I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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