Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
