He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
