I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
