I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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