And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why do cheetos always look like penises
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
