I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
