So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
