is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
