My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize