I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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