i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
