Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
